RE: Joke of day ... Evolution of Mother
 

Why do they call it P.M.S.?


Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Author Unknown, presume deceased.

RE: Joke of day ... Evolution of Mother
 

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "The blind man is here to see you,"

she says. "Well then, it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.

She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?








.

RE: Joke of day ... ring the bell
 

A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization. The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an ******** while you are trying to join this group."

The man says O.K.
He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join.

Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.
The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again. The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization."

The man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.

RE: Joke of day ... Donald Rumsfeld
 

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying:
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."


"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"


His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.


Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

RE: Joke of day ... Donald Rumsfeld
 

You know what, thats probably a true story.

RE: Joke of day ... foreign language
 

Momma mouse was getting food in the kitchen with her baby when the cat pounced in.

Snatching up the kid Momma ran for the mousehole but it was obvious she wasn't going to make it.

Finally in desperation she whipped around and shouted "Bark, Bark" at the cat.

The cat skidded to a halt and ran away.

Momma mouse turned to her baby and said, "You see how important it is to learn a foreign language!"



.

RE: Joke of day ... foreign language
 

here ya go zinzin,
brand new .. too good to keep it for myself


======================


email from Bill M.:

WIN 2 TICKETS AND ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARE TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA

To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly answer the following questions and send your answers to:

International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne , Switzerland
1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?
6. Which two just finished smoking weed?
(Picture not shown as it doesnt matter)


response from Stealth:
no thanks .. I hear things are a bit shaky over there.


response from Bill M.:
I heard Shakey's Pizza chain has decided NOT to open a franchise!!






.

RE: Joke of day ... foreign language
 

Zin
Me be guessin' Stealth and Bill M. Be the guys smokin. What say you?

RE: Joke of day ... foreign language
 

That does it .. go for it ..
this is the pic .. who is who ?








[IMG]local://upfiles/2893/4E76408019F74B0C8D35E87453FEC12F.jpg[/IMG]

RE: Joke of day ... the bike & the Vette
 

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains became just too much and he could go no further.

He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours, he hadn't gotten a single person to stop.

Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The corvette owner pulled a 20 ft rope from the trunk and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the handle bars of the bike and told the man that if he was going to fast, to honk the horn on his bike and he would slow down.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles while they cruised at 30 mph. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. Bike rider started honking his air horn in an attempt to get the Vette to slow down.

A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a radar speed trap.
The police officer noted the speed from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer down the highway that he has two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.

He then relayed, "... and you're not going to believe this, but there's a guy on a 10-speed bike honking to pass!"



===============

A man goes out and buys a new Vette convertible. One night he takes it out for a spin, and stops at a red light.

An old man pulls up next to him riding a mo-ped. The old man looks over the Vette and says, "What kind of car ya got there sonny?" The man replies, "It's a Corvette, the best sports car in the USA; it cost me over $70,000."

"That's a lot of money" says the old man. Why do they cost so much?" The man answers, "Because they can go 170 miles an hour!" The old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car all right!"

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what the car can do. He floors it, and in a few seconds the speedo reads 120 MPH.

Suddenly he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be catching up to him. Afraid it might be a cop, he slows down to 65 and suddenly whhhoooosshh! Something whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than this Vette?" the man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming towards him. Whhoooosshh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it sorta looked like the old man on the mo-ped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a mo-ped outrun a Vette?"

Then again he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whhooosshh - Blam! It plows into the back of the Vette! The man jumps out. It is the old man! Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are in a world of hurt. The guy runs up to the old man and cries, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man groans and replies, "could you please unhook my suspenders from your side mirror?"








.

RE: Joke of day ... another whiskey please ?
 

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a whiskey you cow.”

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whiskey for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls, “And get me another whiskey you bitch.” Quite upset,the girl comes back shaking with another whiskey but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach. “I've asked you twice for coffee. Go and get it now, or I'll give you a slap.”
Next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.

Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, “For someone who can't fly, you're a cheeky bastard.”


.

RE: Joke of day ... men in trains
 

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."

The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,".

And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $20, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside. In a minute, we shall be passing by the hospital where I had it done!

RE: Joke of day ... men in trains
 

The joke of the day was ON US !

A website raid that took the site down.
My thanks to the excellent team that brought it back up, clean, within 8 hrs .. ...

Now, lets track down the SOBs and nail them ...

===============================

why allantenet moderators have TGIF written on here tennis shoes?
they need to know that "Toes Go In First."

RE: Joke of day ... bank joke
 

Just a few thoughts I was thinking

Since all birds swallow their food whole, why are only some of them called 'swallows'?

Why do we refer to sub-par things/people as 'scraping the bottom of the barrel' when in
fact the Best beer comes from the Bottom of the barrel?

If this Government is BY the people, FOR the people, when do I get to start making some
of the laws?

Why do so many people always wanna be First? It seems to me that the 2ND mouse to the
trap gets the cheese.

Why is it that when people wave at you on the street they use their whole hand, but when
they wave at you from their car, they only use 1 finger?

What is the speed of darkness?


Why is it that some people that think their cars are so FAST put a 'bra' on them to prevent
"second place chips'?



Is GOD so powerful that he can make a rock so big, and so heavy, that He Himself can't lift it?

What happens if you get 'scared half to death' TWICE?

Always remember that light travels much faster than sound. That's why some people might
appear to be bright until you hear them speak...Hmmm, this might apply to me, LOL...

RE: Joke of day ... bank joke
 

I love that one !

RE: Joke of day ... lawyers
 

The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed.

He announced, "I have to go back to the office right away! I forgot to lock MY safe!"

"What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."




.

RE: Joke of day ... GM, MS, Mac
 

well, maybe not so new, but fitting after our weekend problems in the site.
I love it when two giants to at it ...

#8, 9, 10 .. love it ...


====================


At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:


1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.

6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8) New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9) The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10) Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11) GM would also require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12) Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13) You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

RE: Joke of day ... GM, MS, Mac
 

You Might Be A Redneck If,

You are proud of the 4 matching tires on your car, even if they are all 'mini spares'.

You have one window crank on the seat that operates the windows on all 4 doors.

A seven course meal is a plate of baked beans and a six-pack of beer.

The closest you've been to Royality is The Burger KING.

You met your wife at a yard sale.

Your favorite Mexican food is DORITOS.

You sew the 'legs' back on your pants when summer is over.

You forgot what's under that big blue tarp in your front yard.

The dentist in your town filed for bankruptsy.

You know how 'fur' that 'up the road a piece ' means.

You know that 'far' is what you get when you light a match, and 'tars' are what
your car rides on.


You know what it means to" put the coals to her " .

RE: Joke of day ... GM, MS, Mac
 

The Chinese government has now outlawed SHAKE roofs on any reconstruction!

RE: Joke of day ... GM, MS, Mac
 

The reason the Olympics are not being held in Bangkok Thailand is that every competition would more than likely end in a THAI game!

RE: Joke of day ... GM, MS, Mac
 

A blond has tried for 4 hours to complete a picture puzzle. In desperation, she calls her boyfriend across town at midnight! Half asleep he answers the phone. "whats the matter dear?' She tells him she's been trying to figure this puzzle out for hours and could he please come over to help. He reluctantly drives across town and knocks on her door. Once inside he says "show me this puzzle" as they walk to the kitchen table he asks what the puzzle is. She says "look at the box!" its a rooster. He says " put the corn flakes back in the box!"

RE: Joke of day ... GM, MS, Mac
 

A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator. It stops on the next floor and a good looking man gets on. The man stands facing the door. The brunette leans over to the blonde and whispers "He needs Head and Shoulders" The blonde responds "Whats shoulders?"

RE: Joke of day ... Teacher
 

A little girl in the 4th grade was having trouble learning math, so one day the teacher told her that if she would like to stay after school for an hour each day that he would stay too and help her with her math. Wanting to get better grades she agreed.

One day, after about 2 weeks of this, she looked at the teacher and said " you know, you remind me alot of my Dad". The teacher replied " really, what's your dad like"? The little girlthought for a minute, then blurted out " Jack Daniels and women with big tits".

RE: Joke of day ... Teacher
 

Why you can't find your MOD / ADM

They are hiding

They are in the cellars conducting the rituals to keep the sites running

They are in hospital suffering from an overdose of caffeine

Taken away by the police after killing the last user who asked a stupid question

"You *have* a ADM / MOD?"

lost in the maze with the exit door leading back to the MOD room.

Oh .. forgot to inform you .. you *are* the system administrator.

sleeping under desk

chained to the desk in a dungeon only the CEO has the key for.

Explaining to management why there is a need for an assistant.

suffering from sleep deprivation

The admin came to work disguised as a tea boy to avoid talking to users

The admin electroculted themselves whilst installing some cabling near the main power cable. Since the admin's body is the only thing keeping the power flowing, the management boarded up the body and pretended they still had a system administrator.

Stuck in a lift shaft pulling network cable to another floor

Getting Jolt out of their under-floor cache

Hiding on the roof

looking up the BOFH excuse of the day.

out buying some caffeine.

busy installing xfishtank on the main fileserver.

out buying refills for the Nerf(TM) crossbow.

locked in the computer room playing Deathmatch.

Booted to DOS and is playing doom across the network.

Went to Stop&Go to get ANOTHER case of insert favorite caffeinated beverage here

Is crying in the room with padded walls that nobody dares open when the door's closed.

RE: Joke of day ... hot air ballons
 

.

RE: Joke of day ... GM, MS, Mac
 

AUDI- Always Unsafe Designs Implemented.

BMW-Big Money Works.
* Brutal Money Waster.
* Bimbo Motor Weapon.
* Big Master Wuus
* Break My Window.


BUICK-Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer.

CHEVROLET- Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips.
* Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
* Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
* Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology.

DODGE-Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere.
*Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere.
*Dead or Dying Gas Eater.
*Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express.

FIAT- Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
*Fix It All the Time.
*Fix it again, Tony!

FORD - First On Recall Day.
*Fixed Or Repaired Daily.
*First On Rust and Deterioration.
*Fix Or Repair Daily.
*Found On Road, Dead.
*Fast Only Rolling Downhill.
*Features O.J. and Ron's DNA.
*Found On Russian Dump.

GM- General Maintenance.
* Great Mistake.
* GMC- Garage Man's Companion.
* Got A Mechanic Coming?.

HONDA - Had One Never Did Again.

HYUNDAI-Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

MAZDA- Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along.

OLDSMOBILE-Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind *Infuriatingly Late Everywhere.
* Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment.

PINTO - Put in new transmission often.

PONTIAC - Poor old Neanderthal thinks its a Cadillac.

SAAB-Send Another Automobile Back.
*Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
*Sorry Arsed Auto Builders.

TOYOTA-Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto.

VOLVO- Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
*Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners.

VW-Virtually Worthless.



.

RE: Joke of day ...
 

[/align][/align]
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual [/align][/align]Gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. [/align][/align][/align][/align]One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. [/align][/align]It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. [/align][/align][/align][/align]It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son [/align][/align]Returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. [/align][/align][/align][/align]'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting [/align][/align]Home?', they asked. [/align][/align][/align][/align]'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit [/align][/align]Project said Tommy. [/align][/align][/align][/align]The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking [/align][/align]Him completely out of his chair. [/align][/align][/align][/align]'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went [/align][/align]After school.' [/align][/align][/align][/align]'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' [/align][/align][/align][/align]'What did you watch?' asked Marsha. [/align][/align][/align][/align]'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. [/align][/align][/align][/align]The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking [/align][/align]Him off his chair. [/align][/align][/align][/align]With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. [/align][/align]We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.' [/align][/align][/align][/align]'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to [/align][/align]My parents.' [/align][/align][/align][/align]The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse [/align][/align]Right that nearly knocked him out of his chair. [/align][/align][/align][/align]Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you [/align][/align]Ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. [/align][/align]After all, he is your son!' [/align][/align][/align][/align]The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her [/align][/align]Three times.[/align][/align][/align]

911
 

A couple of redneck hunters are out in
the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing
and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other redneck starts to panic, then
whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He frantically blurts out to the operator,
"O my gawd! Help! My friend just died.
He's Dead! What can I do?"

The operator, trying to calm him says,
"Take it easy. I can help.
Just listen to me and follow my instructions.
First, lets make sure he's dead."
There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!!

The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"

top prize at the Irish pub
 

the best toast of the night!


John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!'

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.'

She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'

John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'

'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'

She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.

You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'




.

RE: Joke of day ... drivers
 

A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on.

One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!"

After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not?

In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road - if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!"




.

RE: Joke of day ...
 

A man is desperate to get into heaven. He calls up God to seek his advice on achieving his goal. God says," Well my son,you must give up sex,drugs and alcohol.
Jeeez! This is gonna be tricky,the man said,but I'll give it a go.
Couple weeks later God drops in on the man to see how he's getting on with the challenge.
" How's it going fella" says God.
The man replied " Well my lord,I've taken no drugs,drank no beer but sadly I have failed miserably on the no sex part.
God asks what happened.
"well,My wife was bent over the freezer getting a chicken out. I saw her curvaceous butt and her sexy legs and could resist no more. I had her there and then!! I'm Sorry God.
Oh dear God replied." We don't like that kinda behaviour in heaven you know".
"They didn't care for it much in the supermarket either"!! The man replied.:D

RE: Joke of day ... golf
 

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.


One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.


He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.


His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 38 years.”

RE: Joke of day ... french tourist
 

One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard.

He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmers wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty.

The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk.
After taking a big swig, the guest exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most generous!"

She replied modestly, "Its nothing. My family wouldnt drink that milk because we found a dead rat in it."

Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone floor.

The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it down on the visitors head, and hollered, "Get out, you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink... and now you repay my kindness by breaking the childrens potty!"

RE: Joke of day ... horses
 

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. "I
know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse,
I'm sending him over." Midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants
a male or female horse.

"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?" So the owner picks up the
midget and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget
and shows the eyes.

"Ok, what about the earsth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he
picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears.

"OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat." With that, the owner picks
up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him
out.

Shaking his head, the midget says, "perhapth I should rephrase. I'd
like to see her run!"

.

RE: Joke of day ... sharks and cows
 

What happens when you cross a great white shark with a cow?
[blockquote]
I don't know ... but I wouldn't want to milk it.[/blockquote]

















Hey, i never promised they be great jokes ...

RE: Joke of day ... government job
 

A guy goes to the IRS to apply for a job......

The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything? 'He says 'Yes- just caffeine'

'Have you ever been in the service?'

'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq fortwo years.'

The interviewer says, 'That willgive you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, 'Yes 100%... an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'

The interviewer tells the guy, 'O. K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?

”This is a government job”, the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point inyou coming in for that.'


.

RE: Joke of day ... government job
 

Tennis commentator:
'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'

Paul Hamm, Gymnast:
'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'

Boxing Analyst:
'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a 8 donuts.

Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut.

Halloween '08
 

Halloween '08




https://www.cadillacforum.com/upfile...D1B836E98C.jpg






.

History of Air Conditioning
 

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Fords office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, "The Goldberg Air-Conditioner" on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed..

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldbergs name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.


- - - - - - - -

my thanks to the member that send it to me ...

.

Are you smarter than a 3rd grader ?
 

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks , was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ' Harry , what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I 'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry : '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry : '36.'

And so it went with every question the e principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks : 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why she would ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. B rooks : 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry : 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains a thin, whitish liquid?'
Harry : 'Coconut.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks : 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks : 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry : 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks : 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry : 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...




.