Joke of day ...
#101
Classifieds
Ads: Classified as Stupid
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG... BITES.
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FREE PUPPIES: ½ COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.
FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN
SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG.
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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED.
SPEAKS GERMAN. -- FREE.
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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKEA RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE...
BETTER BE A REWARD.
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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB --
$850/OFFER
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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS...
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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
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NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED,
CALL CHUBBY.
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GEORGIA PEACHES,
CALIFORNIA GROWN -
89 cents lb.
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NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.
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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.
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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR
AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
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OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON.
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.
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FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of EncyclopediaBritannica. 45 volumes..
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got marriedlast month. Freaking Wife knows everything
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG... BITES.
------------------
FREE PUPPIES: ½ COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.
FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN
SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG.
------------------
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED.
SPEAKS GERMAN. -- FREE.
------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKEA RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE...
BETTER BE A REWARD.
------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB --
$850/OFFER
------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS...
------------------
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED,
CALL CHUBBY.
------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES,
CALIFORNIA GROWN -
89 cents lb.
------------------
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.
------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.
------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR
AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
------------------
OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON.
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.
------------------
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of EncyclopediaBritannica. 45 volumes..
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got marriedlast month. Freaking Wife knows everything
#102
Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two hookers
and a future congressman."
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two hookers
and a future congressman."
#103
Freaking Wife
good ones, but this one made me fall off the chair !
.
Last edited by stomper; 11-11-2009 at 02:18 PM.
#105
car going the wrong way on 280
A old guy, Barney, was driving down the freeway, when his phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice . She sounded urgent as she warned him, "Barney I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," replied Barney, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice . She sounded urgent as she warned him, "Barney I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," replied Barney, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
.
#106
Al, Bill and Barrack go to heaven
Al, Bill and Barrack go to heaven...
God addresses Al first.. ''Al, what do you believe in?''
Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve .. I've come to understand that now.''
God thinks for a second and says:
"Very good. Come and sit at my left.''
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?''
Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness, I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.''
God thinks for a second and says:
"You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.''
Then God addresses Barrack. "Barrack, what do you believe in?''
He replies: "I believe you're in my chair."
.
God addresses Al first.. ''Al, what do you believe in?''
Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve .. I've come to understand that now.''
God thinks for a second and says:
"Very good. Come and sit at my left.''
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?''
Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness, I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.''
God thinks for a second and says:
"You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.''
Then God addresses Barrack. "Barrack, what do you believe in?''
He replies: "I believe you're in my chair."
.
#107
swine flu, pigs and chickens
Are you concerned about the swine flu??
Here's my concern.
3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow . .. . Mad Cow disease.
2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird . . . Avian flu.
This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig . . . Swine flu.
Next year is the year of the **** - Anybody worried? ...
.
Here's my concern.
3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow . .. . Mad Cow disease.
2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird . . . Avian flu.
This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig . . . Swine flu.
Next year is the year of the **** - Anybody worried? ...
.