Classifieds
 

Ads: Classified as Stupid

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG... BITES.

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FREE PUPPIES: ½ COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN
SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG.

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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED.
SPEAKS GERMAN. -- FREE.

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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKEA RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE...
BETTER BE A REWARD.

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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB --
$850/OFFER

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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS...

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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

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NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED,
CALL CHUBBY.

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GEORGIA PEACHES,
CALIFORNIA GROWN -
89 cents lb.

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NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.

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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.

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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.

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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR
AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

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OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON.
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.

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FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of EncyclopediaBritannica. 45 volumes..
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got marriedlast month. Freaking Wife knows everything

Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two hookers
and a future congressman."

Freaking Wife
 

good ones, but this one made me fall off the chair !



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what is this: Black externally and yellow within?
A duckling ninja

car going the wrong way on 280
 

A old guy, Barney, was driving down the freeway, when his phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice . She sounded urgent as she warned him, "Barney I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

"Heck," replied Barney, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"


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Al, Bill and Barrack go to heaven
 

Al, Bill and Barrack go to heaven...

God addresses Al first.. ''Al, what do you believe in?''

Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve .. I've come to understand that now.''

God thinks for a second and says:
"Very good. Come and sit at my left.''

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?''

Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness, I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.''

God thinks for a second and says:
"You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.''

Then God addresses Barrack. "Barrack, what do you believe in?''
He replies: "I believe you're in my chair."



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swine flu, pigs and chickens
 

Are you concerned about the swine flu??
Here's my concern.



3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow . .. . Mad Cow disease.







2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird . . . Avian flu.






This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig . . . Swine flu.







Next year is the year of the cock - Anybody worried? ...



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lol................. oh ****!!

oh, the dang thing blipped me..... nice

friends rub her tummy
 

Why is it when the wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations."

But none of them rub yours and say "good job" ?



.

Do you know the difference between Courtney Love and a hockey team??? At least the hockey team showers after their third period!!