tis that time of year ... AGAIN?
St Pats

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Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously

To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their cir***stances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!

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An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Just plant the damn potatoes."

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as a guinness lover, who happens to be named patrick...i find a great deal of humor in that first one...

 

[align=center]ORIGINALLY POSTED BY ZIN

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It's getting close, so heres this years "start."


An irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each glass in turn.

When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender says to him, "you know a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers, one is in America, and the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.

The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking sips of each one in turn.


One day he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round the bartender says "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I want to offer my condolances on your great loss."

The irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.

"OH no," he says, "Everyone is fine! ....... It's me.......

I've quit drinking."
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