Joke of day ...
#151
12-31-2012, 09:45 PM
Mother and Daughter -
"Mommy, how did you and Daddy meet?"
"Well, I whacked his Dyngus with my ***** willow, and..."
"No, no, not where I came from, how did you two met!"
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NEWS Bulletin ( Manhatan) -
"Governor Spitzer will hold a press conference at 9:00 a.m. to discuss the serious ***** willow crisis facing the people of New York. "As a well known expert on all things about ***** willows, I am sure that I can handle this crisis" the Governor said today from behind the sandbags and ****** wire surrounding his Fifth Avenue apartment building where he has been consulting with his wife and a battalion of lawyers about just how much of his knowledge about ***** willows he should share with the public."
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NEWS BULLETIN ( BUFFALO) -
"WalMart has pulled all ***** willows and dynguses from its nursery shelves after complaints from a local concerned mother. Or maybe it was a concerned local mother. Early reports are unclear on that point."
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18 holes = one bottle
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"Mommy, how did you and Daddy meet?"
"Well, I whacked his Dyngus with my ***** willow, and..."
"No, no, not where I came from, how did you two met!"
======
NEWS Bulletin ( Manhatan) -
"Governor Spitzer will hold a press conference at 9:00 a.m. to discuss the serious ***** willow crisis facing the people of New York. "As a well known expert on all things about ***** willows, I am sure that I can handle this crisis" the Governor said today from behind the sandbags and ****** wire surrounding his Fifth Avenue apartment building where he has been consulting with his wife and a battalion of lawyers about just how much of his knowledge about ***** willows he should share with the public."
====
NEWS BULLETIN ( BUFFALO) -
"WalMart has pulled all ***** willows and dynguses from its nursery shelves after complaints from a local concerned mother. Or maybe it was a concerned local mother. Early reports are unclear on that point."
================
18 holes = one bottle
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hahahahhaa that was funny i liked it very much...............
#153
01-14-2013, 12:53 PM
A Pirate walks into a bar. He looks like your stereotypical Pirate... he's got a parrot on his shoulder, a patch on his eye, a hook for a hand, and a pegleg. The weird part is that he has a large bulge the shape of a ship's steering wheel in the front of his pants. He walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender serves him but is clearly distracted by the bulge. He decides he simply can't avoid the issue.
"I'm sorry sir, but did you know that you have what appears to be a steering wheel in your pants?"
The Pirate tosses back his drink, sets down the glass, and says "Aye, matey, it's driving me nuts."
"I'm sorry sir, but did you know that you have what appears to be a steering wheel in your pants?"
The Pirate tosses back his drink, sets down the glass, and says "Aye, matey, it's driving me nuts."
can't stop laughing, wow!
#155
02-07-2013, 03:37 AM
I'm gonna try and come here and post a dumb joke each day .. feel free to join in.
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A truck full of women is driving down a road. A man is driving down the same road from the opposite direction.
As they pass each other, the man leans out the window and yells " PIGS !! "
The woman driver immediately leans out her window and yells "JERK!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the truck full of women rounds the next curve they crashe into a huge pile of pigs in the middle of the road.
[IMG]local://upfiles/3799/6584D77FD8094830920DE1BACB0C1241.jpg[/IMG][IMG]local://upfiles/3799/F3188414A441492E8D1BE6B189C18ECA.jpg[/IMG]
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========================
A truck full of women is driving down a road. A man is driving down the same road from the opposite direction.
As they pass each other, the man leans out the window and yells " PIGS !! "
The woman driver immediately leans out her window and yells "JERK!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the truck full of women rounds the next curve they crashe into a huge pile of pigs in the middle of the road.
[IMG]local://upfiles/3799/6584D77FD8094830920DE1BACB0C1241.jpg[/IMG][IMG]local://upfiles/3799/F3188414A441492E8D1BE6B189C18ECA.jpg[/IMG]
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lollll that was funny i liked it a lot thats great
Last edited by VirginiaPurington; 11-16-2013 at 09:33 AM.
#156
02-07-2013, 04:14 PM
Disability
A guy goes into the Social Security office to make application to get his pension cheques. The gal behind the counter fills everything out and then says that she will have to see his drivers license as proof of age. The guy reaches for his wallet and finds out he left it at home, so he says he will have to come back later or tomorrow. The lady says that she is a pretty good judge of a persons age and that he just has to open his shirt buttons, The lady sees all this curly grey hair and says "YEP" your old enough. The guy goes home and is having lunch with his wife describing this amazing ability the women at the SS office has.The wife looks at him and says" you should have dropped your pants, you might have got disability TOO"..........
#157
02-08-2013, 03:46 AM
Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in the
woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill
to the mouth of a small cave.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the
cave and then he listened very closely until he heard
an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' He tore
off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other
Indian what that was all about. Was the other Indian
crazy or what?
'No,' said the Indian. 'It is our custom during
mating season. When Indian men see cave, they
holler, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.
If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl
there waiting to mate.'
Just then they saw another cave. The Indian ran
up to the opening of the cave, stopped, and
hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately,
there was an answering 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'
from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and
ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone
for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave.
As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge
opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size
of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.
There must be some really big, fine women in this
cave!'
So, he stood in front of the opening and hollered
with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' He
grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then
he heard the answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO!
WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'
With a gleam in his eyes and smile on his face, he
raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the Local Newspaper read -
"NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN"
.
lolll thats a classy poem to read....
Last edited by VirginiaPurington; 11-16-2013 at 09:34 AM.
#158
04-10-2013, 10:41 AM
Bush and Osama
After numerous rounds of "We don’t even know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:
370H-SSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice.
Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.
Eventually they asked Australian Intelligence (ASIO) for help.
Within a minute ASIO emailed the White House with this reply:
"Tell the president he is holding the message upside down"
#160
07-09-2013, 01:22 AM
Tech Joke-
All Samsung Officials Are Withdrawing Their Children From School,
As The First Thing
Children Are Being Taught Is ___
.
.
.
?A for Apple?
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A boss was telling an applicant the two main rules of the company..
He said,
“Our 2nd main rule is cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat before coming in?”
The applicant replied, “Yes sir! I did.”
Then the boss said,” Our 1st main rule is trustworthiness.
.
There was no mat!”
All Samsung Officials Are Withdrawing Their Children From School,
As The First Thing
Children Are Being Taught Is ___
.
.
.
?A for Apple?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A boss was telling an applicant the two main rules of the company..
He said,
“Our 2nd main rule is cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat before coming in?”
The applicant replied, “Yes sir! I did.”
Then the boss said,” Our 1st main rule is trustworthiness.
.
There was no mat!”