RE: Joke of day ... golf
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RE: Joke of day ... golf - 7/6/2008 9:09:13 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 38 years.”
< Message edited by stomper -- 7/6/2008 9:16:35 AM >
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RE: Joke of day ... french tourist - 7/7/2008 10:27:06 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard.
He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmers wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty.
The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk.
After taking a big swig, the guest exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most generous!"
She replied modestly, "Its nothing. My family wouldnt drink that milk because we found a dead rat in it."
Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone floor.
The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it down on the visitors head, and hollered, "Get out, you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink... and now you repay my kindness by breaking the childrens potty!"
< Message edited by stomper -- 7/7/2008 10:28:54 AM >
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"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... horses - 7/7/2008 1:36:37 PM
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Stealth
Posts: 3006
Joined: 2/18/2007
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This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. "I
know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse,
I''m sending him over." Midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants
a male or female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?" So the owner picks up the
midget and shows him the horse''s mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget
and shows the eyes.
"Ok, what about the earsth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he
picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears.
"OK, finally, I''d like to see her twat." With that, the owner picks
up the midget and shoves his head up the horse''s twat, then pulls him
out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "perhapth I should rephrase. I''d
like to see her run!"
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RE: Joke of day ... sharks and cows - 7/8/2008 7:26:49 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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What happens when you cross a great white shark with a cow?
I don''''t know ... but I wouldn''''t want to milk it.
Hey, i never promised they be great jokes ...
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"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... government job - 7/9/2008 9:50:01 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
Status: offline
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A guy goes to the IRS to apply for a job......
The interviewer asks him, ''Are you allergic to anything? ''He says ''Yes - just caffeine''
''Have you ever been in the service?''
''Yes,'' he says. ''I was in Iraq for two years.''
The interviewer says, ''That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,'' and then asks, ''Are you disabled in any way?
The guy says, ''Yes 100%... an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles off.''
The interviewer tells the guy, ''O. K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.''
The guy is puzzled and says, ''If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don''t you want me to be here before 10 AM?
”This is a government job”, the interviewer says. ''For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.''
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_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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