RE: Joke of day ... men in trains
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RE: Joke of day ... men in trains - 5/17/2008 7:45:45 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,".
And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $20, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside. In a minute, we shall be passing by the hospital where I had it done!
_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... men in trains - 5/19/2008 9:44:10 PM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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The joke of the day was ON US !
A website raid that took the site down.
My thanks to the excellent team that brought it back up, clean, within 8 hrs .. ...
Now, lets track down the SOBs and nail them ...
===============================
why allantenet moderators have TGIF written on here tennis shoes?
they need to know that "Toes Go In First."
< Message edited by stomper -- 5/19/2008 10:01:30 PM >
_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... bank joke - 5/20/2008 12:55:55 AM
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jerrymac
Posts: 55
Joined: 4/6/2008
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Just a few thoughts I was thinking
Since all birds swallow their food whole, why are only some of them called 'swallows'?
Why do we refer to sub-par things/people as 'scraping the bottom of the barrel' when in
fact the Best beer comes from the Bottom of the barrel?
If this Government is BY the people, FOR the people, when do I get to start making some
of the laws?
Why do so many people always wanna be First? It seems to me that the 2ND mouse to the
trap gets the cheese.
Why is it that when people wave at you on the street they use their whole hand, but when
they wave at you from their car, they only use 1 finger?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that some people that think their cars are so FAST put a 'bra' on them to prevent
"second place chips'?
Is GOD so powerful that he can make a rock so big, and so heavy, that He Himself can't lift it?
What happens if you get 'scared half to death' TWICE?
Always remember that light travels much faster than sound. That's why some people might
appear to be bright until you hear them speak...Hmmm, this might apply to me, LOL...
< Message edited by jerrymac -- 5/20/2008 1:17:35 AM >
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RE: Joke of day ... bank joke - 5/20/2008 6:27:35 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jerrymac
Just a few thoughts I was thinking
......
Why do so many people always wanna be First?
It seems to me that the 2ND mouse to the trap gets the cheese.
..........
I love that one !
< Message edited by stomper -- 5/20/2008 6:35:30 AM >
_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... lawyers - 5/20/2008 6:30:08 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed.
He announced, "I have to go back to the office right away! I forgot to lock MY safe!"
"What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."
.
< Message edited by stomper -- 5/20/2008 6:38:42 AM >
_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... GM, MS, Mac - 5/21/2008 8:32:59 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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well, maybe not so new, but fitting after our weekend problems in the site.
I love it when two giants to at it ...
#8, 9, 10 .. love it ...
====================
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8) New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9) The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10) Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11) GM would also require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12) Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13) You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
< Message edited by stomper -- 5/21/2008 8:43:48 AM >
_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... GM, MS, Mac - 5/22/2008 12:29:12 AM
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jerrymac
Posts: 55
Joined: 4/6/2008
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You Might Be A Redneck If,
You are proud of the 4 matching tires on your car, even if they are all 'mini spares'.
You have one window crank on the seat that operates the windows on all 4 doors.
A seven course meal is a plate of baked beans and a six-pack of beer.
The closest you've been to Royality is The Burger KING.
You met your wife at a yard sale.
Your favorite Mexican food is DORITOS.
You sew the 'legs' back on your pants when summer is over.
You forgot what's under that big blue tarp in your front yard.
The dentist in your town filed for bankruptsy.
You know how 'fur' that 'up the road a piece ' means.
You know that 'far' is what you get when you light a match, and 'tars' are what
your car rides on.
You know what it means to " put the coals to her " .
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