RE: Joke of day ... Evolution of Mother
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RE: Joke of day ... Evolution of Mother - 5/12/2008 10:22:34 PM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "The blind man is here to see you,"
she says. "Well then, it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.
She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?
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"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... ring the bell - 5/13/2008 8:52:30 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization. The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group."
The man says O.K.
He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join.
Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.
The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again. The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization."
The man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.
_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... Donald Rumsfeld - 5/13/2008 9:08:50 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying:
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
< Message edited by stomper -- 5/13/2008 9:17:52 AM >
_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... Donald Rumsfeld - 5/13/2008 5:11:20 PM
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Underdog
Posts: 56
Joined: 12/23/2007
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You know what, thats probably a true story.
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RE: Joke of day ... foreign language - 5/13/2008 11:27:32 PM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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Momma mouse was getting food in the kitchen with her baby when the cat pounced in.
Snatching up the kid Momma ran for the mousehole but it was obvious she wasn't going to make it.
Finally in desperation she whipped around and shouted "Bark, Bark" at the cat.
The cat skidded to a halt and ran away.
Momma mouse turned to her baby and said, "You see how important it is to learn a foreign language!"
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_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... foreign language - 5/14/2008 11:44:41 AM
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Stealth
Posts: 3006
Joined: 2/18/2007
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here ya go zinzin,
brand new .. too good to keep it for myself
======================
email from Bill M.:
WIN 2 TICKETS AND ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARE TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA
To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly answer the following questions and send your answers to:
International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne , Switzerland
1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?
6. Which two just finished smoking weed?
(Picture not shown as it doesnt matter)
response from Stealth:
no thanks .. I hear things are a bit shaky over there.
response from Bill M.:
I heard Shakey's Pizza chain has decided NOT to open a franchise!!
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< Message edited by Stealth -- 5/14/2008 12:22:27 PM >
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RE: Joke of day ... foreign language - 5/14/2008 1:35:23 PM
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wcoates
Posts: 239
Joined: 2/18/2007
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Zin
Me be guessin' Stealth and Bill M. Be the guys smokin. What say you?
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RE: Joke of day ... foreign language - 5/14/2008 1:52:49 PM
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Stealth
Posts: 3006
Joined: 2/18/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: wcoates
Zin
Me be guessin' Stealth and Bill M. Be the guys smokin. What say you?
That does it .. go for it ..
this is the pic .. who is who ?
Thumbnail Image
 Attachment (1)
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RE: Joke of day ... the bike & the Vette - 5/15/2008 6:36:46 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
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A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains became just too much and he could go no further.
He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours, he hadn't gotten a single person to stop.
Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The corvette owner pulled a 20 ft rope from the trunk and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the handle bars of the bike and told the man that if he was going to fast, to honk the horn on his bike and he would slow down.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles while they cruised at 30 mph. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. Bike rider started honking his air horn in an attempt to get the Vette to slow down.
A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a radar speed trap.
The police officer noted the speed from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer down the highway that he has two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.
He then relayed, "... and you're not going to believe this, but there's a guy on a 10-speed bike honking to pass!"
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A man goes out and buys a new Vette convertible. One night he takes it out for a spin, and stops at a red light.
An old man pulls up next to him riding a mo-ped. The old man looks over the Vette and says, "What kind of car ya got there sonny?" The man replies, "It's a Corvette, the best sports car in the USA; it cost me over $70,000."
"That's a lot of money" says the old man. Why do they cost so much?" The man answers, "Because they can go 170 miles an hour!" The old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car all right!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what the car can do. He floors it, and in a few seconds the speedo reads 120 MPH.
Suddenly he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be catching up to him. Afraid it might be a cop, he slows down to 65 and suddenly whhhoooosshh! Something whips by him going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than this Vette?" the man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming towards him. Whhoooosshh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it sorta looked like the old man on the mo-ped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a mo-ped outrun a Vette?"
Then again he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whhooosshh - Blam! It plows into the back of the Vette! The man jumps out. It is the old man! Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are in a world of hurt. The guy runs up to the old man and cries, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man groans and replies, "could you please unhook my suspenders from your side mirror?"
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< Message edited by stomper -- 5/15/2008 6:51:44 AM >
_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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RE: Joke of day ... another whiskey please ? - 5/16/2008 7:44:10 AM
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stomper
Posts: 1447
Joined: 6/18/2007
Status: offline
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On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a whiskey you cow.”
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whiskey for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls, “And get me another whiskey you bitch.” Quite upset,the girl comes back shaking with another whiskey but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach. “I've asked you twice for coffee. Go and get it now, or I'll give you a slap.”
Next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, “For someone who can't fly, you're a cheeky bastard.”
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< Message edited by stomper -- 5/16/2008 7:52:46 AM >
_____________________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
~ Winston Churchill
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