Welcome to the lower 48 - You know you’ are from ________ IF

                                                        

If you are going to live or visit in the South, mainly Georgia,  you need to know these rules:
 
1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did MORE work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
 
2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.
 
3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.
 
4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
 
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.
 
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
 
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards (ducks) are making their final approach, we will shoot it (the phone). You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.
 
8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
 
9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is really, really sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a LOT of water.
 
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
 
11. So, you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine (it's farm equipment) that we only use two weeks a year.
 
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
 
13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.
 
14. We don't do "hurry up" well.
 
15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.
 
16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
 
17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like (money). Get it - pig farms - income - money? Get over it. Don't like the smell? Interstate 85 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.
 
18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.
 
19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.
 
20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
 
21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
 
22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -- his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.
 
23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.
 
24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.
 
25. And no, down here we don't have an accent, you do.

 You know you’re from Tennessee if:

1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
3. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a “VOL” is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car…for your OWN car.
11. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday
12. You find 100 degrees fahrenheit “a little warm”.
13. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
14. You know whether another Tennessean is from east, west or middle Tennessee as soon as they open their mouth.
15. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as”goin’ Wal-martin” or off to “Wally World”.
16. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
17. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop…it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”
18. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Tennessee (and those who just wish they were).

You know you’re from Florida if:


You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.

You know what FEMA stands for.

Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.

When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths, and one safe hallway.

You have more than 300 'C' and 'D' batteries in your kitchen drawer.

Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti O's.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

The road leading to your house has been declared a 'No-Wake' Zone.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking "It'll only take a gallon of gas to get there and back".

You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You catch a 13-pound redfish ---- in your driveway.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.

At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.

There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

You post the progress of every storm.

You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel and every single

newscaster and reporter at all of the major stations in town.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

Relocating to North Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.

You spend more time on your roof then in your living room.

You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder, or a tree worker.

Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.

The hurricane shutter guy and your roofer are driving BMW's.

You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."

You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.

A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.

A chain saw, generator or a gas grill comes as a free gift with every new Florida mortgage.

The mentioning of chad starts a discussion on politics.





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You know you are from Massachusetts if

You think if someone is nice to you they either want something or they are from out of town

The public transportation system is known as the "T" and you'd rather drive in bumper to bumper traffic for 4 hours to get to Boston than be caught dead on the "Orange Line"

You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house

There are 24 Dunkin Donuts shops within 15 minutes of your house and that is how you give directions

If you stay on the same road long enough it eventually has three different names

53 degrees is "on the warm side"

You've walked to Brigham's for an ice cream cone "to go" in the snow

You cringe every time you hear some actor/actress imitate the "Boston Accent" on TV

You call chocolate sprinkles "jimmies"

A water fountain is called a bubbler.

Say it "bubbla".You can go from one side of town to the other in less than fifteen minutes

You know how to pronounce towns like Worcester, Eastham, Chatham, Haverhill, Peabody, Scituate, and Leominster

You know what they sell at a "packie"

You keep an ice scraper in your car all year round

Paranoia sets in when you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS

You need a passport to travel for a tamale.

You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left

You've bragged about saving money at The Christmas Tree Shop

You know what a "regular coffee" is!

You can navigate a rotary without a problemYou use the words "wicked" "pissa" and "good" in the same sentence

You know what a frappe is

Saint Patrick's Day is your second favorite holiday

You drink tonic and would never consider using it on your hair

You never say "Cape Cod" you say "The Cape"

You went to Old Sturbridge Village and Plymouth Plantation at least once, in elementary school, but never to Bunka Hill

You know the Mass Pike and 495 create some sort of strange weather dividing line

You have never been to cheers

You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgator

You still try to order curly fries from Burger King

You keep an ice scraper in your car all year round

You know at least three Tony's one Vinnie, and a Frank

Paranoia sets in when you can't see an ATM or CVS

You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left


  You know what "regular coffee" is

  You can navigate a rotary without a problem

  You have been to Fenway Park

You refer to the New York Yankees as the devil

You feel the rest of the world needs to drive more like you

When someone calls you a "masshole" you take it as a compliment

You use the words "wicked" and "good" in the same sentence

Saint Patrticks Day is your second favorite holiday

You are proud to drink Sam Adams and think that the rest of the country owes Bostonians a thank you

You went to Old Sturbridge Village and Plymouth Plantation in elementary school

You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day

You have a special place in your heart for the Worcester Firefighters
 
You know the Mass Pike and 128 are some strange weather dividing lines
 
You almost feel dissapointed when someone doesnt flip you off when you cut them off or steal their
parking space
 
You've gone from I-95 South to I-93 North by driving in a straight line and never changing direction.




.

Washington
If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.
Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.
There is always one more son of a bitch than you counted on.
An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
Chicken little only has to be right once.
"NO" is only an interim response.
You can't kill a bad idea.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
The truth is a variable.
A porcupine with his quills down in just another fat rodent.
You can agree with any concept or notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the
way.
A promise is not a guarantee.
If you can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.

 You know you’ are from  Boston if:


You think of Philadelphia as the Midwest.
You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic.
You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's).
You think three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heatwave.
All your pets are named after Celtics or Bruins.
You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."
Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry mood.
You don't think you have an attitude.
You always 'bang a left' as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
Everything in town is "a five minute walk."
When out of town, you think the natives of the area are all whacked.
You still can't bear to watch highlights from game 6 of the 1986 World Series.
You have no idea what the word compromise means.
You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
You don't realize that you walk and talk twice as fast as everyone else.
You're anal, neurotic, pessimistic and stubborn.
Your favorite adjective is "wicked."
You think 63 degree ocean water is warm.
You think the Kennedy's are misunderstood.