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political science 101

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G.A.R.Y.
2/20/2008 6:54:15 PM







Political Science 101




DEMOCRATIC


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.



REPUBLICAN


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?



SOCIALIST


You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a co-operative to tell him how to manage his cow.


COMMUNIST


You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE


You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE


You have two cows.
Under the new farm programme, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.....Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blonde, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year..


ITALIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch......Life is good!


RUSSIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION


You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons..


IRAQI CORPORATION


You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.


POLISH CORPORATION


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


BELGIAN CORPORATION


You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.


FLORIDA CORPORATION


You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best, accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.


CALIFORNIA CORPORATION


You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.....most are illegals.
Arnold, likes the ones with the big udders.

 
stomper
2/20/2008 8:24:45 PM
AllanteNet Corp


They got two cows.
The cows moo and get banned.
Milk production stops, no cows.
Cows come back and take a nap, still no milk.
No milk, no cash.  Corp locks the gates and hangs sign "no milk today"
The ADM  sings for you while you stand in line and wait for the cows to wake up.







hyperion
2/21/2008 4:44:35 AM
Love it, but some psychoanalyst will wonder why the "cow" was picked on?
G.A.R.Y.
2/21/2008 5:54:14 AM
quote:

ORIGINAL: stomper

AllanteNet Corp


They got two cows.
The cows moo and get banned.
Milk production stops, no cows.
Cows come back and take a nap, still no milk.
No milk, no cash.  Corp locks the gates and hangs sign "no milk today"
The ADM  sings for you while you stand in line and wait for the cows to wake up.









 
I just spit my coffee, good one.
stomper
2/21/2008 6:47:47 AM
quote:

ORIGINAL: hyperion

Love it, but some psychoanalyst will wonder why the "cow" was picked on?


ohhhh .. that is easy.

it is believed that the cow's milk contained too much fat and mgt wanted "FAT FREE"

all the while  Col K  wanted to add more cream.




stomper
4/4/2008 8:13:12 PM
 
AN 
aka  C.A.C.A. 
aka  CACA

A year ago ....

They got two cows.
The cows moo and get banned.
Milk production stops, no cows.
Cows come back and take a nap, still no milk.
No milk, no cash.  Corp locks the gates and hangs sign "no milk today"
The ADM  sings for you while you stand in line and wait for the cows to wake up.


this year ...

Farmer decides to plow land, screws up, breaks the levy, drowns the napping cows and loses the farm.
Customers run around looking for milk.
The farm finds new land, moves and buys new cow.
New cow markets   d u m b    a s s e s s, no milk.
An old cow appears, it survived, finds new farm and kicks 1st cow in the ass.
The new cow moos and gets award for  selling d u m b    a s s e s s.
The old cow moos and gets a VIP promotion, smiles and retires.

Farmer hangs sign "MILK AVAILABLE" but only sells   d u m b   a s s e s s.
Everyone gets in line, orders milk  and dances.

Soon, No Milk, no cash. 
New cow sells farmer's Allante, takes cash, and orders new batch of   d u m b  a s s e s  s.
Corp. loses lease, locks the gates and hangs sign "no milk today."
Today, the new order  of    d u m b  a s s e s s arrives, farmer shoots new cow.

The ADMs  sings for you while you stand in line and wait for a new farm to appear.
No live cows in sight, No milk in sight. 
Pile of   d u m b   a s s e s s  sit  a  waiting.




note / disclaimer:
Any resemblance to websites named CACA, AN, persons living or dead , farms or cows, d u m b    a s s e s s,
or actual events is coincidental.   However, if the shoe fits, we can sell you a bull.





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