Daughter returned from a date

Daughter returned from a date in the weee hours of the morning.
Mom still waiting on the couch, askes if she had a good time.
Daughter said she had a wonderful time and thinks she's likes more of the same.

Mom said, 'You didn't have sex, did you'?
Daughter said, 'Not according to Dad.'


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Did you hear about the new TV show coming up?
It is called "Welcome Back Carter".

Bill steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Go" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty pissed off.

He storms into his security staff's headquarters and yells, "Somebody wrote a threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! The sob had to be standing on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?"

The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"

The entire staff immediately jumped up and raced for the exits.

Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says, "Well, we have some bad news, and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"

Bill says, "Oh Hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al's urine."

Bill says, "Oh my god, I feel so ... so betrayed! My own VP! Damn. Well, what's the really bad news?"

The officer replies, "Well, we analyzed the handwriting and it's Hillary's handwriting."





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Japanese doctor says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it into another, and have him out looking for work in 6 weeks.'

A German doctor says, 'That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it into another, and have him out looking for work in 4 weeks.'

A British doctor says, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in 2 weeks.'

The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, 'You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, and no heart, put her in the White House, and very soon half of our entire country will be out looking for work.'

quote:

ORIGINAL: jim

Japanese doctor says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it into another, and have him out looking for work in 6 weeks.'

A German doctor says, 'That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it into another, and have him out looking for work in 4 weeks.'

A British doctor says, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in 2 weeks.'

The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, 'You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, and no heart, put her in the White House, and very soon half of our entire country will be out looking for work.'

 
LOL good one Jim although it doesn't look like that will happen. Good to see you around again.

quote:

ORIGINAL: G.A.R.Y.



LOL good one Jim although it doesn''t look like that will happen. Good to see you around again.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jim

Japanese doctor says, ''Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it into another, and have him out looking for work in 6 weeks.''

A German doctor says, ''That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it into another, and have him out looking for work in 4 weeks.''

A British doctor says, ''In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in 2 weeks.''

The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, ''You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, and no heart, put her in the White House, and very soon half of our entire country will be out looking for work.''

Pelosi ?